See John write

I am currently reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. It is so fascinating. The author explores the power of our unconscious mind to help us make snap judgements. It also explores how the fact that we are rational beings pushes us to come up with explanations for our behavior rather than admit that often we’re just trusting our gut instincts.

One of the pieces of research that the author relates is a study being conducted by Harvard University. It measures your biases. The one I took measured whether or not I have an automatic preference for young people versus old people. Before you begin your test, you get to make a self-evaluation. Then at the end, the test results reveal whether or not you were accurate in your self evaluation. (I was not accurate. But the funny thing is, I had a gut feeling about what the results of the test would be.)

Here’s a link to take one of the Harvard tests: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/selectatest.jsp

So many other things I’ve read about how the mind works and how our unconscious influences our decision making have seemed ridiculously false to me. But this book rings true to me. Even when a test like the Harvard test tells me that my conscious mind articulates things that aren’t quite accurate in my unconscious mind, I sit back and say, “Yeah, that’s probably right.”

I highly recommend it—and I’m not even finished reading it yet.

So what are you reading right now?

The husband of a lady I used to work with always responded to the question, “How are you?” with, “It’s the best day of my life so far.”

It was really funny the first time I heard it. But as I got to know him better, I came to realize he genuinely meant it. Not in a self-aggrandizing way. Never in sarcasm. He believed it was the best day.

In honor of that friend and all who have coined phrases that are worth remembering, I have created a new page for my blog. It’s right over there on the right. It’s called “Wisdom and Wisecracks” and I’ve published there a few of my favorite quotes. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Thanks for visiting today.

Mom forwarded the text of a talk given by Anne Perry. In that talk was a line that I think I will make my mantra for 2007.

“To succeed at what is easy is a small victory.”

Indeed. May this be a year of meaningful victories.

Demons I know

White and blinding light
Burns my eyes
Exposed, I’m afraid
So I turn to the night

You ask me to let go
Of the demons I know
Their familiar repose
Masks a pain that grows

When I fear the light
Shakes my soul
Makes me wonder
Why I’m looking for a fight

Is tomorrow bright?
No pleasure
Hiding my pain
Hopeful, I can be right

You ask me to let go
Of the demons I know
In familiar repose
Silent anger flows

Wretched
In a moment of weakness
Haunted
In the blink of an eye
Hated
What it makes of me
Fallen
So far from the light

My heart feels so tight
Hard to breathe
Breaking me down
Breaking me down
Melting in love’s light

You ask me to let go
Of the demons I know
Showing a new repose
Safe in your arms, it grows

You ask me to let go
You ask me to let go

So, I’m asking for your help.

When we replaced the tires on our van last year, we got this deal for two almost-free nights in a cheap hotel in Anaheim, California. We’ve been promising the kids that we’d take them to Disneyland. Well, we’ve finally decided when we’ll go (Spring break April 2-6).

Being the tightwad that I am, these kind of trips always stress me out because I can see how easily costs can just spiral out of control.

How can you help me out? you’re asking. Two things: first, please share any tricks/ideas you know to save money while going to the magic kingdom. And second, how ’bout ways for me to calm down and not stress out about going broke.

I anxiously await your suggestions.

Samantha bit her bottom lip. She pushed a stray strand of hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear. Her chin quivered slightly as she drew in a long breath.

“They’re going to give up, aren’t they?” she asked in a whisper.

Steve couldn’t even look at her face. He stared at the floor and nodded almost imperceptibly.

“Noooooo!” Samantha screamed. “No, no, no, no.” She made a fist and pounded on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve tried to grab her fist and put his arms around her, but she twisted away. Turning to face her husband, her eyes were filled with fire, her shoulders back, and her head held high.

She raised a finger in the air. “My son is out there somewhere. And he’s alive—I feel it. I don’t care what they say. We cannot give up!”

“I know, Sam. I know.” Steve ran a hand through his unkempt hair. His bloodshot eyes looking straight at his wife. “They cannot expect us to just go home. How could I go back to work? How could we just pretend that—that … . ”

Steve through his hands in the air, unable to find the words.

I feel so much pressure to keep up with all the other blogs. So here are 100 things you probably didn’t need to know about me, but now you do.

1. The fingernails on my ring fingers grow faster than all my other nails.

2. I’ve always loved horses.

3. I often find myself amazed that my wife picked me.

4. I am really competitive.

5. I like underdogs.

6. I love flying dreams.

7. I rarely purchased the required textbooks for my college courses.

8. But I take really good notes in class.

9. I had dated my wife for less than three weeks when we first talked about getting married.

10. I have very little patience for authors who try to trick me at the end of their book.

11. I love The Princess Bride (book and movie).

12. I love grilled chicken.

13. Owning a really nice BBQ makes me feel masculine.

14. I love having a houseful of guests at my home.

15. I like to cook.

16. I love a clean house, but I’m a bit of a slob.

17. I hardly ever remember to rotate my tires.

18. I can replace my own brake pads. (And I’m really fast at it.)

19. I would never change my own oil.

20. I hate cauliflower.

21. Owning a boat makes me smile all year round. (Sometimes in the winter when I’m in the garage, I’ll lift the boat cover just so that I can smell that boat smell.)

22. Sometimes I get really confused when I’m trying to back my boat into the driveway. Really confused.

23. Some days, I would do anything for a really good massage.

24. Eating red meat makes me constipated.

25. I’m not very good at confrontation.

26. I love to coach my kids’ sports teams.

27. On game day, I think way too much about the game.

28. I get butterflies in my stomach.

29. My job can be very exciting and fun.

30. My job can be incredibly boring.

31. I don’t read as much as I should.

32. I have absolutely no resistance to my wife’s freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

33. I can memorize things really fast.

34. My dad can memorize things better than me.

35. My parents amaze me.

36. My children amaze me.

37. I have always been fascinated with sign language.

38. The older I get, the more I enjoy all the seasons of the year.

39. Summer is still my favorite.

40. I once hiked across the Grand Canyon.

41. I love summer rainstorms.

42. Snowshoeing in the mountains under a full moon is one of the most breathtakingly beautiful places I’ve ever been.

43. I have been on a footbridge over the Colorado River in the bottom of the Grand Canyon in the middle of the night under a full moon. Wow.

44. In a strange way, I thoroughly enjoyed reading Heart of Darkness by Josef Conrad when I was in high school.

45. I couldn’t finish The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis because it disturbed me so much.

46. I worried a lot as a child.

47. I worry a lot less as an adult.

48. I feel guilty that I don’t take a more active role in local politics.

49. I think City Council Meetings should be classified as cruel and unusual punishment.

50. I think anyone who is still reading must be really bored.

51. I like all kinds of music.

52. I’m particularly fond of the 80s rock from my youth.

53. Discovering a new music group or artist that I like is one of my favorite things.

54. I can get choked up by movies about true stories of those who overcome overwhelming odds, like Seabiscuit, Apollo 13, and Cinderella Man.

55. I’m a little embarassed to admit number 54.

56. I once pulled a handcart for five miles in bare feet.

57. I love Christmas.

58. I love Easter.

59. My favorite smell is turkey roasting in the oven.

60. I like to hold hands with my wife.

61. I hardly ever call my wife by her name.

62. As a child, I was embarassed by my curly hair.

63. I’m pretty good at saving money.

64. Once I decide I want to buy something, I think about buying that thing way too much.

65. I never truly balance my checkbook (you know, like to the penny).

66. I love to fall asleep with my foot touching my wife’s foot.

67. I love it when one of my kids falls asleep on my shoulder.

68. I’m a pretty handy guy.

69. I really miss the grapes and blackberries that grew in our yard at our old house.

70. I don’t miss the apricot tree at all.

71. Doing yard work on a summer Saturday gives me an immense amount of pleasure.

72. I like to create and edit home movies with iMovie on my Mac.

73. I like to argue with people about Mac vs. PC.

74. I still have a hard time sleeping on Christmas Eve.

75. I also have a hard time sleeping the night before leaving on vacation.

76. I can only remember a few jokes.

77. But I can quote movie lines with the best of them.

78. I make a living as a writer, but there are still a few grammar rules that baffle me.

79. I tend to use more commas than I should.

80. I love song lyrics.

81. I can’t sing well.

82. I love to make people think.

83. I love to make people see things from a new perpective.

84. I have little patience for people who judge too quickly.

85. I am sometimes guilty of judging too quickly.

86. I carry quite a bit of guilt from the time I served as bishop.

87. I have a hard time being productive when I’m tired.

88. I am a hopeless romantic.

89. I don’t exercise as much as I should.

90. I worry that my wife exercises a little too much.

91. In many ways, I feel like I’m still growing up.

92. I get really sleepy when I’m driving my whole family in the car at night. But I stay wide awake when I’m driving alone late at night.

93. I think I should have used 92 to fill two slots.

94. I like pie way more than cake.

95. I am a pretty good water skier.

96. I am not a good snow skier—in fact, it scares the crap out of me. But it is kinda fun.

97. I’ve been really lucky in my career.

98. I love coming home at night.

99. I have more gray hair than a 38-year-old should.

100. I have small feet.

So the kids went back to school after the Christmas break on Jan 2. They had a four-day week. Then one five-day regular week. Then they have today and tomorrow off, for a super taxing three-day week. I’m pretty sure things were tougher when I was a kid.

But that’s really not the point I was making.

I have today off. It’s the first time my employer has offered Martin Luther King, Jr., Day as a paid holiday. So I’m home. But I have several freelance projects that I’m way behind on. So I really shouldn’t be taking out time to even write this post. I really should be working all day. On my day off. Kinda stinks, huh?

So do you have a long weekend? What are you doing?

It feels like it’s “time for a cool change.”

But unlike the song, I’m not longing for time “alone, sailing on the cool and bright clear water.” It’s one of those things that’s hard to explain. Do you know what I mean? That feeling in your gut that it’s time for a change? Or perhaps a premonition that change is coming?

I’ve lived long enough to know that many (perhaps even most) people don’t like change. We like our routines. We like to be comfortable.

Yet there is something so exhilarating about change. It wakes me up. It gets my mind churning. It brings a freshness, like suddenly anything is possible.

So what about you? Do you like change?

The following is a list of activities to use when you are experiencing writer’s block. Feel free to share your ideas too.

1. Eat something.

2. Stand up, scratch your head, let out a long sigh, and sit down again.

3. Play Line Rider (see blogroll for link)

4. Complain to someone.

5. Eat something full of fat and sugar.

6. Find someone who can make you laugh.

7. Yell.

8. Apologize to everyone for yelling.

9. Write a completely random sentence.

10. Eat something that contains absolutely no nutritional value.

A favorite football coach of mine spent the first part of this past season repeating a line about his football team “finding their identity.” At first, I have to admit it seemed like one of those obscure phrases people use when they really don’t want you to understand what they’re talking about. But as the football season progressed, it was clear that his players really did find their identity—they “knew” themselves. They understood both their strengths and their weaknesses. And that knowledge allowed them to succeed.

For some reason, watching that scenario unfold has caused me to think about this idea of identity. How many of us have a truly clear picture of ourselves? How do those closest to me see me? What are my true strengths and my weaknesses? And when the “game” is on the line, what can I deliver?

In many ways, it is the simplest of questions. Who am I? Yet one of the hardest to fully answer.

And with that thought-provoking introduction, have a happy Monday.

I noticed the stranger seated on the far side of the greasy diner. He was a plump man with an almost perfectly round face topped off with a few wispy strands of dark hair. He wore a business suit that obviously had been tailored for him when he was several dozen pounds lighter. His flushed face gave the appearance that he might be upset, but the casual way he licked the sticky-bun frosting from each rotund finger made it clear that he was quite relaxed.

I ordered a grilled cheese and soup. As I waited for my food, I found myself glancing over at the corpulent stranger again. If someone had asked me why he had caught my eye, I’d have been speechless. Yet, there was something about the way he sat there wedged between the table and the booth seat that drew my attention.

Perhaps it was the way his dark eyes seemed to be hiding when he smiled and thanked the waitress. As if under any jovial disposition there was a sadness lurking beneath. Not anger. Not bitterness. Just something sad.

OK, now it’s your turn. Add to this character sketch or share one of your own.

“Hey, Self, that’s the alarm.”

“What?! Already?”

“Yeah.”

“Man, I am so tired.”

“Shouldn’t have packed in that last quart of guacamole then stayed up til the end of overtime last night, huh?”

“I really don’t feel good.”

“But, it’s the first day of the new year—OK, the second day.”

“So.”

“You promised yourself you’d start the year right.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t when I felt like one of those bloated deer you see at the side of the highway in the summer.”

“But if you just lay here in bed, you’ll only feel worse.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not possible.”

“C’mon, you’re gonna let a warm bed beat you on day one?”

“Fine. Fine. I’m moving—see.”